Essays, general essay

Stray Thoughts – On Being Grateful

I’m participating in a Gratitude Circle via EveryDayGyaan.com – and actually couldn’t think of a better way to start this more personal blog that I’m doing. 

ClydeInRepose

Clyde – our remaining dog – is still kicking and making us laugh

I’ve been doing a daily spiritual journal for a couple years now – not because I’m holy, but because I’m so not – and part of that has been a quick list of things I’m grateful for.

But over the past year, I’ve noticed something odd about my little gratitude list. It’s as likely to contain the things (and, okay, people) that are driving me nuts as it is all the good stuff. I started the list to remind myself of all the good things going on in my life. So why did all this icky stuff start showing up?

I, at first, suspected it was a way of trying to re-frame the negative. A way of coping with all the aggravating things my beloved spouse was doing, with the aging dog who was no longer housebroken, the sibling who treated me like crap and the check that refused to show up when I wanted it. And to a degree, it is a way of doing that.

But it’s also about finding the blessings in those things that don’t seem much like blessings. My mother’s poor health kicked up last fall right as I was getting ready for a presentation at a conference. I’m not at all happy about my mother’s suffering, but I have to concede that it took my mind off the presentation just enough that I didn’t worry about it and I probably gave a better presentation as a result.

At the very least, reminding myself to be grateful for those of my family who are making me crazy reminds me that I do love them, even if I’m not all that wild about their behavior at the moment.

Yes, I'm grateful Dorothy Parker kitty likes hanging around on my desk and knocking stuff off.

Yes, I’m grateful Dorothy Parker kitty likes hanging around on my desk and knocking stuff off.

This has been a year of loss for me, losing the one dog, losing an identity and the blog that went with it. But the blessing has been that I’ve been more or less forced to re-direct my energies toward my first love: writing fiction. Better yet, the current climate in the publishing biz makes it not only possible, but desirable for me to take full ownership of my work, along with the responsibility to get it out there.

So, yes, I have a great deal to be thankful for, even if at first look, it doesn’t seem that way.

Anne Louise Bannon

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